My Autism self-identification came after years of being fascinated by Autism.
At first, it was a “What if?” thought experiment. I’d been feeling commonalities with outspoken Autism thought leaders like Temple Grandin, Austin Kleon, and the comedian Hannah Gadsby. What if I, myself, were Autistic?
I started reading up. On Kleon’s recommendation, I devoured Neurotribes, Steve Silberman’s comprehensive history of Autism and other related medical diagnoses of neurodiversity. I binge-watched shows about Autism and TED talks by Autistic folks.
I found a lot of resonance.
For example, in one of the first episodes of the Netflix show Young Sheldon, which centers on a gifted child who has many Autistic traits, the title character decides he needs to understand humans better. He goes to the library and checks out the book How to Win Friends and Influence People.
I have read that book four times.
Turns out I have written two books of my own on the topic of understanding humans better. The first, The Listener Poet’s Handbook for Working, was intended to train new team members at my nonprofit on the specialized skills of the job. I remember meeting up with a new hire who had just finished reading it. “That was great,” she said. “It felt like a book on how to people.”
Yep, I guess that’s what I was going for. How To People is basically my favorite genre (after science fiction).
The second is called What tf Is Actually Going On Here? It’s a personal guide, approximately 70 pages reminding myself what I've learned about how to operate as a human. I printed exactly one copy for myself to re-read whenever I start to lose the plot.
Recognizing myself as Autistic has helped many puzzle pieces to fall into place. Patterns have begun to emerge. Quirky memories begin to make sense. Three primary themes have crystallized out of my research and self-examination:
Unconventional interpretations of social cues
Processing more information than others around me
Intensive fascination with “special interests”
Though I am not the rigid type (I'm actually quite strong on flexibility), an undeniable constellation of traits has pointed me to the diagnosis. In the spirit of Dr. Devon Price's phenomenal book Unmasking Autism, I have chosen to be "out and proud" about it. Below, you’ll find a selection of highlights from the "Autisticky Frankie Things" list that I started back in 2021.
Hashtag vulnerability, baby.
In my artwork, I am extraordinarily precise and detail-oriented. For example, I leveraged intense, sustained scrutiny to create a series of portraits by typing and retyping the words of some of my favorite authors on an old bookkeeping typewriter. You'll see evidence of deep satisfaction in the parallel lines that I painstakingly drew around Kool-Aid spills in my Vibrationism paintings, too.
I’ve kept my phone screen set on black and white since 2017. Eliminating the color reduces the information it presents me to a much more manageable level. It makes the space peaceful; more like a soft, healthy bowl of oatmeal, less like a spazzy-frenetic bowl of Skittles.
I like being nearsighted, for a similar reason as item # 2. I wear glasses for seeing things at a distance, especially when I’m driving, but most times I find the reduction of information to be an advantage.
I notice word patterns that others don't. This is especially evident with names, as I detailed in my post on My Special Interest.
My career in service design was driven by an impulse to reduce unnecessary friction and adjust things that don’t function properly. It's a field that I find immensely fulfilling.
I'll be your hero when it comes to annoying rattles or electronic noise. Leaning into my background as a UX designer, I once carefully cracked open the plastic cases on some cheap air conditioning units, extracted their circuit boards, and disabled their tiny electronic speakers so they'd never beep again. Similarly, I superglued the little silencer switch on the side of my iPhone because I know I’m never going to want it to ring out loud.
Tags on furniture and clothes are more distracting for me than for the average clotheshorse. I’ve removed thousands. I snip the long white plasticky ones off of couch cushions. Many bath mats are free from their ungainly disclaimer labels by my hand. I once spent a satisfying hour with my handy X-Acto knife carefully excising flapping foil safety warnings from 40 feet of Christmas tree lights that were already installed on the Christmas tree of a grateful friend. It felt as obvious as picking up litter on her front lawn.
Another one on the processing-more-information theme: during the 2020 pandemic lockdown, a friend who was creating a zine filled with kids’ activities asked me for ideas that would work around the house. I immediately proposed a scissory Easter-egg hunt. Kids could search out those distracting loose threads on cushions and garments and helpfully snip them off. She rejected it on the premise that nobody else would find that as fun (satisfying, at least?) as I would.
I have a natural proficiency for writing in a poetic rhythm called iambic pentameter. It’s not so hard to write in twos-times-fives, IYKWIM.
Smiling is an intentional behavior for me. Not all the time, of course, but when I take selfies in which I think I'm smiling, my facial expression is often flatly neutral upon review. Thus, I've willfully trained myself to smile more.
I taught myself small talk by reading books on the topic. Reframing it as “friendly noises” was the key for making sense of it: I now understand small talk as a valuable part of the careful assessment people make when they meet strangers. Are you friendly? Are you regulated? Are you able to have back-and-forth conversations and listen? We find all that out with these “Sure is a hot day today!” interactions. I'm totally into it now.
Anytime I leave the house with more than just what’s in my pants pockets, I have super glue with me. This enables me to take the initiative to fix little broken things nobody else seems to care about, even when I’m traveling. I recently glued a bracket under a table in a coworking place to keep a loose cable from touching my knee.
I'm amusingly evangelistic about changing the way fridge doors open when they’re facing the wrong way. Did you know you can do that for more convenient use in a kitchen? I learned it in an ergonomics class in college and have sorted many a kitchen since then.
I adjust the water pressure in bathroom sinks. Ever go to wash your hands and the water’s so forceful that it splashes back up and gets your shirt wet? Besides being obnoxious, it’s also a ridiculous waste of water. I get down on my knees, turn the under-sink supply valves all the way off, then slowly turn them back on with the faucets open until the water flows at a reasonable rate for washing hands. I’ve made this secret upgrade it at dozens of restaurants and bars.
Years ago, when my constant parade of “Wow, look at that!” observations became too much for my sweetheart Jess, we instigated a quota on things I notice when we’re walking somewhere together. I’m allowed to point out three things per trip. It’s been a real learning arc for me, realizing that other people don’t need (or want!) a perpetual tour guide.
I have a high tolerance for pain. In college, one doctor literally wrote it into my medical record. When I scheduled my first colonoscopy, inspired by a friend my age who’d gotten colon cancer, I learned that if I chose to voluntarily forgo the general anesthetic, I would be able to return to work that afternoon. It was a no-brainer.
I make lists. A lot of them. In the art book I wrote about my creative process in 2022, I detailed several of my more than one hundred active lists. The original “Autisticky Frankie Things” list from which these highlights were selected has 162 items on it as of today.
Wondering whether you might be Autistic? You may have heard there's a spectrum; this cartoony graphic shows how the spectrum is nonlinear. You might find this list of indicators from the UK National Health System helpful, too. I've also written a separate blog post, My Autism Starter Pack, with a bunch of resources that I have made a difference for me over the years.
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READ NEXT: My Autism Starterpack
💕🧠✨
Maria