What Are Smoconuts™?
Smoconuts are for those of us who recognize the importance of looking as cool on the outside as we are on the inside.
They’re made from strips of dried coconut, specially designed to be held like Miles Davis and Audrey Hepburn held cigarettes: perched between your index and middle fingers.
Gesture with one in your hand, like you’ve forgotten it’s there. Then, cup your mouth and nibble the short end concealed in your palm.
Smoconuts are a sexier modern alternative to smokes. All of the glamour, none of the cancer.
Want a pack? Kindly make a $75 donation to The Good Listening Project, my fave nonprofit, which helps fight burnout in healthcare. Then send me a message with your address, and I'll mail you one (two for $185, three for $300).
Yes, the bulk "discount" is inverted. Smoconuts are art, and art can be weird like that. Each pack is hand-assembled and signed by the artist, me. Production is extremely limited. Charging more for multiples is my effort to prevent commodification.
Not a big coconut fan? Smoconuts™ have three siblings! Figarettes™, Cigaraisins™, and Pea Funx™* are all in various stages of user testing and may be available any day now. Smoconuts are still the O.G., though.
* Editor's Note: The name "Pea Funx" is worthy of explanation. It's a reference to Parliaments, which were a brand of American cigarettes that people sometimes called "P-Funks," which was a slang reference to Parliament-Funkadelic, which was a band that sometimes toured under the nickname "George Clinton and the P-Funk All-Stars," which would like to remind us all that a tail ain't nothin' but a long booty.